I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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