I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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