In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
