I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
