Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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