you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
