I wannas sexs uuuuu
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
