i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
