How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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