fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
