erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
