Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
