when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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