saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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