maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
