I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
