so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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