Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
