woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
