My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
