the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
