So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
