What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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