I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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