I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
