you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
