That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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