ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
