Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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