i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
