3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
