Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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