Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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