Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
