The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
