I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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