My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
