guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
please come you make the beer taste better
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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