If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
