I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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