i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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