the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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