These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
