just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
