Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
