There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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