It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
