like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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