We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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