I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
