She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The police scanner is talking about you again....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
