I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
