just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
