You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
