everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
