oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
