I feel great
I just peed on a car
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
